Arrangements for the funeral of Tom Carney
Tuesday 29th June 2021 10.30am
Tom’s family will be attending a ceremony on the 29th June to say goodbye to him.
Sadly due to the current coronavirus pandemic, funerals are being limited in a crematorium, so the service is by invite only.
If you are attending, we request you wear dark colours. Don a waistcoat if you have one – Tom loved a waistcoat.
Live Webcast
A live webcast will be available for those people unable to attend.
To access the webcast follow the link to the Obitus Mediawebsite and input the username and password details below.
Username: diyi8654
Password: 181405
You can login to the Obitus website at any time to view a test connection (and we strongly recommend you do this) but you’ll only be able to view the Live Webcast between approx. 10.30 and 11.30am on Tuesday 29th June.
A PDF of the order of service is available to download here:
Flowers and Donations
Family flowers only please.
If you would like to do something in Tom’s memory, the family would like donations to be made to Birmingham St Mary’s Hospice. You can make a donation here:
Please share this page with anyone you feel should be aware of Tom’s funeral.
Tom’s family welcome any tributes, words of remembrance and stories about him so do feel free to leave any messages at the bottom of this webpage. (Please note comments are moderated so do not go live immediately)
Tom’s family have shared some photos in the slideshow below.
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Rest peacefully, Tom. You left a massive, positive impression on everyone who knew you. You will never be forgotten.
The Willshire family.
It is so hard to come to terms with the loss of someone who has always been there. I am certain I am not alone in being nowhere near acceptance of this tragic event. But as I go through photos and memories, I am reminded of the fun we had, the stupid escapades we embarked upon. While I am unutterably sad, these memories make me smile. Whether it’s the journey through the multi-storey car park at Sam’s stag, the amazing slap bass line he came up with all by himself, the terrible terrible jokes that he found so amusing (he wasn’t the only one), his take on a scene from Troy (far better than the original), his joy at scoring the perfect goal on Pro Evo (and his ire when things went wrong), or any one of the countless other memories, the life Tom spent with all of us is littered with good memories. But Tom’s strength throughout the final months inspires me to be better. I always knew Tom to be a strong-minded man, but the courage and dignity with which he faced his final challenge demonstrate to us all the true strength of the man. If only I could tell him that in person.
Rest easy, bro
Can’t believe you’re gone. Will always remember the fun we used to have working at the pub. Always loved going to your gigs too. You’ll be forever missed mate. RIP Tom. Love ya. x
Dear Tom we knew you for so short a time but you have given us some very happy memories. The fun times we’ve spent with you and your family are for us to treasure for ever. Much love from Chris and Ruth xx
It’s not possible to describe how much we all adored you. And it’s simply unfathomable that you’re not here anymore.
It has been such a privilege to have known you and a complete honour to have shared so many memories throughout the CG days. The laughs and fun were endless. We were all as thick as thieves and that chapter has left a permanent imprint on my heart, as I know it has for all of us.
I loved catching up in more recent years too, and being surrounded by the warmth of you and Dee.
Rest in peace now dearest Tom. Love you
Xxxx
I dont really know what or how to say this.
I’m so sad to say goodbye. Tom you were such a sound, strong and funny guy. I am so fortunate to have had the absolute pleasure of being your friend and playing music with you over the years. You were an outstanding musician, an inspiration even. What fantastic talent and feel you had. I will always think of you with the upmost respect and your memory will continue on for me in the music we made together.
Rest in peace bud. Lots of love. Chris x
Sarah and Tom were not the only people who struck lucky when they found each other, as it also meant I gained the presence of this intelligent, kind and humorous man in my life. Tom sometimes joked about me naming him ‘best son in law’, reminding me that as he was my only son in law, the bar wasn’t set too high! But in truth he was a wonderful addition to our family and I feel privileged to have known him for almost 14 years.
Over the last 6 challenging months, I learnt the real meaning of grace, dignity and courage from Tom, and that knowledge will stay with me always.
I wish he could have had the long life he deserved, but he will never be forgotten, and I shall smile when I think of him.
The Carney Family dedication:
Thank you for joining us to pay tribute to Tom’s life.
A life cut short but a life well lived.
We are pleased that over these last few months we had the opportunity to tell Tom how proud we are of him and how dignified and courageous he was in dealing with the dreadful things he had to cope with. He will remain an inspiration to us all for the rest of our lives.
As hard as the last few months were, we take away some fond memories of spending time as a family, and take comfort that Tom was able to enjoy that time surrounded by friends and family.
As parents it was such a joy to watch Tom grow and his character develop into the person he became. We were impressed by his stoicism, stubbornness, humour and single mindedness – he was always his own man. We basked in his achievements and delighted in the happiness he found with Sarah.
As brothers we cherish warmest memories of childhood summers at Middleton Hall Road, riding bikes in the garden until it got too dark, family holidays in Majorca, and later memories of Christmas eves in the pub, to various trips and adventures abroad with Sarah, his brothers and his friends. We shall all remember him often and fondly.
Recently, we all helped where we could but the major load fell to Sarah and we are grateful for the love and care she gave to our son, our brother, not only in the past few months, but for their whole relationship.
A good husband, a good brother, a good son and a good friend.
We shall miss him.
Today will be a hard day for so many people who knew and loved Tom, it is truly devastating that this is happening. Thank you Tom for all the fun memories, we had a blast in those Country Girl days. You always made us laugh, you’re an amazing human and I will always smile when I think of you. My love goes out to all that knew Tom. I’d count us all as lucky that in some way Tom came in to our lives.
Rest easy Tom.
Love abs xx
I have no words to describe how completely unreal it feels to know you are no longer here. You were quite simply one of the most genuine people I have ever met. The time we all shared together was a time like no other and it shaped all of our lives.
Thank you for all you did for me, the smiles, the laughs, the cuddles and the constant heart to hearts where you would think and think again.
I hope you are at peace and you be loved in our hearts forever.
Love,
Rach
Rest in peace my friend, I never spent the time with you that I’d have liked to mainly due to my health issues. I’ve only ever heard lovely things about you and on the times we met you were an utter gentleman. My heart and soul go out to your family and friends who knew you a lot better than I but I consider myself a very lucky man to have spent some good times with you and always having a laugh, you were and will remain an utter Gentleman in my mind, you will live on forever in people’s thoughts and memories, Much love forever, James. X
What a privilege to have Tom as my brother in law, for so, so many reasons. I can offer a list if anyone is interested? But beyond the extensive list of Tom’s qualities as an individual, it was the love he and Sarah shared that blew me away. For years, I have marvelled at this love; quiet, not showy, constant, yet fiercely strong. So well done to Sarah for bagging this marvellous man. And here’s to Tom, who was just the best. You’ll be missed always and remembered with a warm heart. Love you bro xx
Here’s what I read today.
Remembering Tom
At school Tom and I were not cool. Neither was Sam. Sorry Sam. Our social status, or lack of it, was what bound us together in those days. We embraced it. Partly this approach was a bid to disarm our detractors by ‘owning’ their criticisms, but mostly we happily adopted the ‘dork’ label because it genuinely tickled us.
We used to laugh a lot. All the time. Making Tom and Sam laugh provided me with a sense of accomplishment. “Look at me, making these clever twins laugh…” Because they would make me laugh all the time, Tom especially, as his sense of humour was really quite dry and often from left field . Tom’s jokes came from a more sardonic place perhaps? He dared to go a bit further. And what was so wonderful about him was all of his dark nonsense was delivered in a way that made you feel included, and appreciated, and valued.
From the age of 11 to 16 the only thing I looked forward to at school, with any genuine enthusiasm, was seeing Tom and Sam. We were a trio, T.S.T, which was a pathetic initialism we affected because we thought it was cringe inducing and stupid and it made us laugh. T.S.T happily grew in number as we progressed through the school years – Tom, Sam and I accumulated uncool people like a sort of wonderful nerd magnet and some of those wonderful nerds are here today. I know Tom would be delighted.
Perhaps what kept us chuckling back then, despite being made to feel entirely unwelcome by the school’s populace, was our faith that we were, one day, going to be O.K. I’m pretty sure I knew, deep down, that despite what the morons at school thought, Thomas James Carney was the coolest damn person in Birmingham, let alone Bournville. He was intelligent, charming, funny and very talented. He could draw better than most, there didn’t seem to be a subject he wasn’t good at, he played rugby ferociously, he was annoyingly good at computer games and later in life he got ripped and got awesome at bass guitar. I’m going to drop the word ‘cool’, now, as I think we can all agree it belongs with idiots in playgrounds. Tom wasn’t cool – he was impressive. He was fantastic. He was wonderful.
I used to joke that the annual camping trips Tom, Sam and I would go on to enjoy were our attempt to re-create the adversity we’d faced during our time at Bournville. It’s a cute thought but it’s inaccurate. Tom and Sam represent the most important friendship of my life. The real reason we went camping together was because we loved each other. And that’s a point I wish I’d made to Tom more often.
With the camping the three of us took a pro-active step. We didn’t feel we were seeing each other enough so we corrected it with an annual arrangement. I wish we’d sorted it sooner. I wish I’d seen him more. I wish we’d faffed about with wind breakers for many more years than we did. Not that it was me doing the faffing. Or Sam. Tom, of course, was all over the camping experience like a rash.
Tom would take charge of the tent’s construction. He knew the best way to do it but he never made you feel stupid or useless. He’d mock you, of course, mercilessly, but in that way of his which made you feel grateful to be teased.
What stays with me most is the mornings. Getting up and out of the tent as quickly as possible for a pee and upon returning to our pitch hearing the whistle of the kettle. Tom always made the tea and coffee in the mornings. Hunched double over a little butane stove, groveling about with tea bags and so on. Making me and Sam a hot drink that we sorely needed. That’s how I’m going to remember him. The whistle of a kettle. The creak of a camping chair. Him handing the mug over.
It’s a testament to the sort of guy Tom was that he and Sarah found each other. Splendid people attract splendid people. It’s awful that we have to be here doing this. It’s abhorrent, it’s absurd in the extreme. We all have to come to terms with his loss in our own ways. I’ll be focusing on not just my memories but the shared memories of all the fortunate people that got to know him. We’ll meet up, we’ll talk about him and I guarantee we’ll laugh more than we cry. I love you Sam. And I love you Tom.
Thank you very much.
xxx
Despite not being in contact for many years- the few in which I knew Tom were some of the best times of my life and I remember him fondly. Absolutely heartbroken for all of the family at this time xx
It was a honour to have shared in two of Tom’s passions; rugby and music.
It was playing for Bournville RFC that began our friendship. And as a fellow forward all my time playing and training was spent with Tom. Even getting to play flanker alongside him in the latter years. We were a committed team that trained hard and became a formidable side. Evidenced with call ups to Greater Birmingham. Good times and wonderful memories intertwined with Tom, Sam and Alan.
Leaving for uni, I thought that was it. But boy was I wrong. A few years later the friendship got a 2nd act, and this time it was centered mostly around music.
From jamming in a shed, Farmer Phils and Trevor Burton nights to watching him bring down the house with Marsyas, One Ton Bullet and Grey Area. Tom was always welcoming, endlessly entertaining and an exceptional bassist.
A link to rekindling old friendships and making new ones, my gratitude is boundless.
I cherish every memory, loved every shared moment.
So much love, respect and admiration. Truly special.
Thank you, Tom.
Rest in peace.
Although we live in Sydney, we have always felt close to our Carney nephews partly because their Mum & I have always been good at sharing news & proud photos of our children. I first met Tom & Sam in 1985 when they were little….well not little exactly LITTLE but very young!
Then again with our whole family in 1990 and since then, many times on our visits home since our retirement when we have always enjoyed our get togethers with Jane & Al and family and meeting the boys’ partners. The boys have always been very welcoming and fun & it has been a pleasure getting to know them all.
Tom and I have corresponded at times, once comparing our impressions on Vietnam & a few times throughout his illness when he seemed amazingly stoic. He was delighted that our Grand daughter has chosen similar subjects to study at uni as he had!
After 36 years of sending two similar but not identical birthday cards for Tom & Sam, it will be extremely sad to only be sending one this year.
We are unbelievably broken hearted on losing you dear Tom & we are so pleased that we knew you.
How can i describe how I feel? How can I believe that my son has gone?
Tom, you were an integral part of our family unit that is now lopsided, a wheel has fallen off and no one can ever fix it, we shall never run smoothly again.
I should never have been attending your funeral, it was all the wrong way round. You should be there for mine one day, a steadying influence on your brothers, your humour appropriately black for the occasion – I would have expected nothing less.
Now, instead, I somehow have to learn to live without you in my life. You made me so proud in every aspect of your life, your modesty in your achievements (which were many), your courage in adversity, your determination and, most of all, your integrity. No mother could wish for more.
Tom, my lovely boy, the good memories are countless; you will be forever loved and forever missed. Mum xxx
Our deepest condolences to the Carney family and of course Sarah.
No parent should have to suffer the loss of their child at such a young age and no wife should have to mourn the loss of her husband at such an early stage in their marriage. Tom’s untimely passing is heart breaking for all of those he touched.
Tom will live on in the hearts of so many. The Tom that we saw was bright, gifted, charming, always smiling, and a really nice person to be around. Having had the pleasure of coming to some of Tom’s gigs, he wasn’t a bad bass player either; we will always cherish the greatest hits of One-Ton-Bullet!.
Tom, you will be loved and missed by so many for a long time to come.
Our fondest thoughts and memories, Steve and Margaret Mensforth